It's amazing how, when we haven't done something for a while, our bodies so accurately remind us. You know, like when you go for a run after a 6 month hiatus, or lift weights for the first time in a while. We remember quite clearly how it used to feel - and it didn't hurt quite like this!
The phenomenon I'm referring to is called cognitive dissonance, when what we remember doesn't match up with reality. We remember our level of skill, aptitude and capability at an earlier time, and (foolishly) believe that we still have that, despite the passage of time. Trust me, muscle memory only goes so far. Go ahead, try to do a cartwheel - I dare you. Something as simple as a cartwheel, a feat we could reel off in multiple successions as 10 year olds, becomes quite a daunting task as a 25 or (ahem) 33 year old. Hand stands? Climbing trees? Forget it!
The whole concept of returning to an activity I was formally adept at becomes for me a process of rediscovery. How does this work for me now? Can I return to my former state, or is the goal really to define a new state? I think this is the case, as I try to fit my passion for running, reading, work, friends and family into the constructs of the new space and time that I am in.
Rediscovering who I am, what I'm all about, and how to balance all that is important to me is an interesting process, now that I finally feel like I have the capacity to engage in those things. Of course, I am mere hours into a new job, a new career. My sense, my hope and my intention is that this new career will contribute to my life and my interests, rather than take from it.
Time will tell.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
On returning to blogging
So you know you haven't blogged in a long, LONG time, when your friends drop you from their aggregator list. I know its been a long 6+ months since I posted (okay, 7 months) - so I can own up to the consequences. More posts will come to catch up on all (or at least some) of the changes that have transpired over the last half year, but this post is to explain the silence.
Have you ever had a time in your life when whatever it was you were doing required such a singular, all-consuming focus that it impacted your ability to participate in other areas of your life? Sometimes this all-consuming thing can be a positive - it could be training for a marathon, planning your own wedding, or going to graduate school. It becomes all that you talk about, you spend every moment thinking about it, and you take delight in the time and effort you put into it. Here the line between your ability and your desire to participate in other areas of your life becomes blurred - you take so much out of this thing that you are devoting yourself to, that you have less motivation (reason? need? and of course time) to engage in the other areas of your life.
Or this singular, all-consuming thing can be a negative. The time and effort put into it truly consume you - and rather than feeding your body, your intellect or your soul, it sucks you dry. Whatever remaining time you do have in your day is spent dreading doing the thing you must do, or recovering from it. This can be a relationship, an obligation, a job - perhaps the combination of all three.
For me, going to B-school was much like the former. I spent most (dare I say all?) my waking hours living and breathing the experience of b-school: classes, cases, teamwork, social events. I wanted to suck every experience there was to be had out of those 2 years. Yes, it inhibited my ability to participate in other areas of my life: workouts were sporadic at best, and the time I had to spend with my husband was often tinged with the b-school overtone. But those experiences fed me and sustained me through the long nights and hard work. I was learning, growing and changing. It was an exciting time, even on 3 hours sleep.
On the other hand, the last 6+ months have been more like the latter. When we returned to Seattle (more on that in a later post), I decided to try my hand at consulting, and joined the local office of a then national, now international, consultancy. Many people warned me about the challenges of transitioning from industry to consulting. I had no idea it would impact me on the level that it did. Sure, at the beginning things were fine - in fact it took a while to get ramped up just because of the holidays, etc. But once I finally was assigned a project and was out on the client site, the world as I knew it began to change. I quickly discovered that what I'd been advised by a good friend before I took the job was right - I don't suffer fools kindly, and I don't take well to having to execute an idea or solution with which I disagree. Yet that is often the role of the consultant.
Of course I've had many ups and downs - I tried my hardest to work through the learning curve, to mold myself into the consultant type: distance yourself from your work, don't invest too much of yourself in your product. But it was a losing battle. I was being sucked dry of every interesting, creative, positive thought. I all but stopped working out, partially because I was spending 15 hours a day working, and partially because when I did have time I had no motivation. I didn't have the energy to read, much less write. I had to make a change.
So that, dear readers, explains my silence. I am transitioning to a new job in the next few weeks, and working to regain my balance and my life. Look for more soon. Blog on!
Have you ever had a time in your life when whatever it was you were doing required such a singular, all-consuming focus that it impacted your ability to participate in other areas of your life? Sometimes this all-consuming thing can be a positive - it could be training for a marathon, planning your own wedding, or going to graduate school. It becomes all that you talk about, you spend every moment thinking about it, and you take delight in the time and effort you put into it. Here the line between your ability and your desire to participate in other areas of your life becomes blurred - you take so much out of this thing that you are devoting yourself to, that you have less motivation (reason? need? and of course time) to engage in the other areas of your life.
Or this singular, all-consuming thing can be a negative. The time and effort put into it truly consume you - and rather than feeding your body, your intellect or your soul, it sucks you dry. Whatever remaining time you do have in your day is spent dreading doing the thing you must do, or recovering from it. This can be a relationship, an obligation, a job - perhaps the combination of all three.
For me, going to B-school was much like the former. I spent most (dare I say all?) my waking hours living and breathing the experience of b-school: classes, cases, teamwork, social events. I wanted to suck every experience there was to be had out of those 2 years. Yes, it inhibited my ability to participate in other areas of my life: workouts were sporadic at best, and the time I had to spend with my husband was often tinged with the b-school overtone. But those experiences fed me and sustained me through the long nights and hard work. I was learning, growing and changing. It was an exciting time, even on 3 hours sleep.
On the other hand, the last 6+ months have been more like the latter. When we returned to Seattle (more on that in a later post), I decided to try my hand at consulting, and joined the local office of a then national, now international, consultancy. Many people warned me about the challenges of transitioning from industry to consulting. I had no idea it would impact me on the level that it did. Sure, at the beginning things were fine - in fact it took a while to get ramped up just because of the holidays, etc. But once I finally was assigned a project and was out on the client site, the world as I knew it began to change. I quickly discovered that what I'd been advised by a good friend before I took the job was right - I don't suffer fools kindly, and I don't take well to having to execute an idea or solution with which I disagree. Yet that is often the role of the consultant.
Of course I've had many ups and downs - I tried my hardest to work through the learning curve, to mold myself into the consultant type: distance yourself from your work, don't invest too much of yourself in your product. But it was a losing battle. I was being sucked dry of every interesting, creative, positive thought. I all but stopped working out, partially because I was spending 15 hours a day working, and partially because when I did have time I had no motivation. I didn't have the energy to read, much less write. I had to make a change.
So that, dear readers, explains my silence. I am transitioning to a new job in the next few weeks, and working to regain my balance and my life. Look for more soon. Blog on!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
